Relationships fall and whither because eventually someone stops trying and it doesn’t feel the same. The first couple of months or even years, it may be the best thing you ever wished for, but eventually someone loses feelings, gets busy, or doesn’t even bother to try. You know what? Because they’re comfortable. The beginning is all about the chase. Can you keep up? If you can then you’ll get the hang of it and then you won’t want to try anymore. You aren’t afraid to lose them because they’re yours. Arguing leads to fighting and it just gets worse from there. It all flashes by so fast. So, cherish what you have.

I hate it when I rehearse everything I'm going to say to someone and then when the time comes to tell them, I say something completely different.

 I would like to tell you how much I miss you, but I am afraid it would only make it worse. I would like to be there for anything you need, but the truth is that you don´t need me and that I cant be of any help. I would like to think that all I want is you to be happy, but the truth is I want to SEE you happy. I would like to know if you are really ok, but you won't tell me, and I understand it. I just miss how things used to be, I miss my best friend in my life.

I'd rather lose an argument to you, than to lose you over an argument.

I hate when I'm alone because then I start thinking about everything. I think about all the problems I am too weak to face and all the things that happened in my past, good or bad. I look back at memories and wish they were happening now. I create those 'what ifs' in my head and then I get myself all worried over things that probably won't happen. Most of the time I am so upset because I make myself that way. I hate it.

first love

i just want you to know, i still think about you.

I stopped talking to you so you would miss me, but in the end, I'm the one missing you more than ever.

another lie.

I say I'm completely fine with how we are - that I'm happy if you're happy. I've convinced myself to believe that lie, too. But there are times that I can see through that fog I brought down upon myself. You're everything I've always wanted in a girl...except for that fact that you're taken by someone who makes you far beyond happy - someone who isn't me.

I'll be the book you never read, the test you never took, the song you never sang, the kiss you never tasted and the best you never had.

Memories are the best thing in life to have they never change while everything and everybody around you does.

Have you ever bumped into your ex ?

the one you fell in love with ?  The one who made you the happiest & cried the hardest ? The one that made you feel like you were the most special thing on Earth ? Once you see that person, you either look down on the ground while your bodies pass one another, you look at them straight in the eye with a smile that may seem like you’re OK, or you go up to them and give them a hug you’d never let go.  It’s hard to see that person with someone else.  You start to think that they’re better off without you, while you feel like a fool who can’t move on.  Just a glimpse of that person, your mind is filled with memories you guys share.  From your first date, your first hug, your first kiss, to your last.  Nothing can erase the memories you had with each other.  You simply can’t let go of feelings & emotions towards someone like that.  It takes time.  But, even with time, there will still be a piece of you that loves that person.

I don’t like talking on the phone. If I talk to you on the phone, you probably mean a lot to me.

this shit hurts.

she doesn't even know how to spell my name correctly. i know this is gonna sound stupid but i was waiting for her text since last night. i slept with my phone on my side and woke up with no messages. she texted me in the evening and wish me for my birthday. last year she was the first one to wish me even tho we're not even together  i guess i'm fading away... ;/ ugh the fuck am i thinkin.... i gotta move on with my life.  babe i did tried to get you back. i keep tellin you how much i can't do all  this on my own and how much i needed you in life but all i get was nothing. nothing. i feel like a fool :( i sent you a letter tellin you why we should be together. i explained everything. asking for your apology 'cause i was young and fool back then. you replied with a lyrics from a song and tellin me that there's no more love for me. starting from that day i stopped all the text and letter. i know everything from me annoyed you. I pour my thoughts, my feeling and everything on my blogs 'cause i have nowhere else to turn to. i bet you'd be in tears if you saw it. 'cause its all about you, about us, about missing you. everything.. my heart still beats for you 'cause he know that someday we'll be together again. we don't know this. even i don't know this. but my heart keep tellin me something that worth waiting for. YOU. *finger crossed*

your happiness is all that will ever matter to me. i wish you could see how much irrevocably in love i am with you. you're my definition of perfection.

-jl-

few more hours before my birthday.

july 20 :)

i miss you

I look down at my phone & all I get from you is no texts, no missed call & no voicemail. I miss the days where you’d surprise me with both good morning and good night texts, you’d leave me voicemails saying good night babe, & even calls saying go to sleep.

I miss having our daily talks. It went from daily to nothing at all. Everything we had went down the drain & I’m here wondering when I’ll ever get a text, call, or even a voicemail from you. I want to have at least one text or call asking me how i’ve been & maybe I’ll feel just a bit better. But I’m sure I’m not important enough for you.

I'm still madly in love with you after all the shit you put me through and I don't know why.

I like deep conversations.

The ones where you can just sit down with one of your close friends and completely spill out your thoughts/feelings. Like how you’re doing, what may be currently bothering you, what’s stressing you out, etc. And the best part, getting feedback or advice from that person you’re talking to that might actually understand what you’re going through. It makes me feel less alone, and happier that I don’t have to keep bottling up all of my emotions

Do I miss you? Of course I do. I miss us. I miss everything that we had. I still think about it all the time. You're kind of a hard person to forget. I miss your hugs and your kisses. Your stupid remarks. Your idiocy. I miss how you were a part of my life. I miss our late night phone calls and your random messages. I always remember us staying on the phone 'till you got told off. I miss that. You were such a huge part of me and I will never forget you. I think I loved you, but we never got a chance to establish that..

I can't promise you a perfect relationship without arguments. However, I can promise you as long as you're trying, I'm staying.

I never forgot anything you said to me.

There’s that occasional night where you just break down and cry, ‘cause you know that no matter what, things will never be the same.

I will never tell anyone how close I am to committing suicide every day. The only way they'll ever find out is if I actually do it.

I may be paranoid for you when I get jealous. But it's not because I'm proving myself to you that I love you. It's just the fact that I really love you and I love you and I love you. And that's the perfect reason for jealousy act.

I'm afraid to hope because every time things start going well, they just get fucked up and I end up worse off than I was before. Why does life have to keep getting worse? Why can't I just be happy?

I want to get hurt. A car accident, anything. I want to get injured enough to wind up in a hospital, just to see if anyone would come to make sure I'm okay. And I'd pretend to be sleeping or dying so in case anyone actually did come, they would sit at the edge of my bed, crying, and tell me everything. I want to hear everything they've ever thought of me, how they really feel, if they're sorry for anything. I just want to know the truth. And I want to know who truly cares about me.

& everything turned into something we said we'd never be.

Today.

today was awesome :) no studies for the whole day because of the education fair & how i wish good things like this happen everyday hmm. alright, so i fill up almost every form from every universities & college, i walked through every each of the them and there's this education for anyone who wants to be a make up artist & one of the model was sitting still and she looks gorgeous and so familiar to me, i take a closer look by coming closer to her then one of my friend poked me all of a sudden and said "hey. look at her, isn't she familiar to you? she looks just like your ex girlfriend. isn't she? " and i was numb for a while and yeahh, she does look like her omg :/ i was like, is that her? it can't be 'cause she would already recognize me with that distance.*sigh* why is it so hard to forget someone and just move on?

you're everywhere.

When you get little, you want more. When you get more, you desire even more. But when you lose it, you realize little was enough.

& i miss you so much :/

I remember the first day I saw you, I remember the first text i sent to you, I remember the first day we spoke. I remember the first time we hugged, I remember when we sitting so close to each other and i could barely feel your heartbeat. I remember the first time we hold hands and my hands sweat a lot. I remember the night we spend together & taking the first picture of us. I remember the first picture of you in my wallet. I remember the first kiss on my cheek & my lips. I remember our very first movie "stardust" & we sneak some snacks into the cinema. I remember how you act whenever we go to the bookstore. I remember how you cried watching the last part of "marley and me". I remember saying I love you each time we hung up the phone. I remember you keep telling me your favorite part of a song. I remember when there was you and me, together against the world.

He Is We - Blame It On The Rain (Acoustic)

Can we start over?

Can we take it back to the day where we first met? Can we tell each other how we really feel with some eye contact and no hesitations? All I want to do is start all over. Not with anyone else or new but, with you. I’m not trying to forget you. Can we maybe take it slow and see where everything goes?

Waiting for someone you love is never easy. It may also be irrelevent if the one you love doesn't know you're waiting.

I finally realized that no matter how far away I go, I can never run away from my feelings for you. It's pretty much impossible to forget someone who was once the only reason I smiled.

Tumblr taught me so much.

one of the thing that keeps me alive until now, TUMBLR. really. they taught me so much on understanding a girls feeling, how to love them, thing that they hate or love, meaning for their behavior, and everythinggg.

I know you've been burned, but every fire is a lesson learned.

The Past.

it was my first time being in a relationship & everything is so new to me, and of course people make mistakes right ? so here it goes, there was this girl that really means so much, at first our relationship was fine, but after the incidence where her sister find out about us, where she been told by her sister to end our relationship. i was so depressed and sad for that. days past without her seems so dull and long but then while i was sitting on the couch on a very random day she texted me & i replied & slowly be get back together :) so yeah. days go by, years passed. and i realised that something is wrong with this relationship, i mean we both realised this ? idk. i did my best to fix it, but it doesn't seems so work out 'cause i can't help it but blamming her for everything without knowing that i was wrong too, and so our relationship reach for the 4th years anniversary on july 23 2009, but then all of my dreams and hopes were shattered into billions pieces on december 23 & that was the darkest day of my life where we 'officially' broke up. never once i imagine living this life without her. it was harddd for me, but nothing cant stop her from walking away or just make her look back just for awhile. no. she made her decision and its really over this time. and here i am writing this for my blog telling things that i never told her or have the chance to tell her, explain.

my love is really pure, honest and sincere. it just, the way i "love" her isn't right, i treated her so badly and i'm sorry. since that day when we get back together. it was like a second chance for me & i was starting to get paranoid over everything. i know. i was afraid to lose you for the second time and with the thought by doing that it'll make it all better and that's the only way to keep her close, but i was wrong, so wrong. it actually makes her far from me. i was blind. i was lost on this thing called LOVE. 

it's 2011, two years passed without i even knowing and you still here, in my mind. i get back all the flashback memories of us everyday. but i'm getting used  to that eventho it hurts.  i alwaayys wonder if i ever crossed your mind even just once ? hmm i guess never. well, time heals the wound really, but not fully. i learned a lot of lesson from you. thank you and it's great to see you smile btw. once in a while i check out your facebook profile and saw that bigg bigg smile on your face it makes me happy tho :) finally you're fine. *sigh of relief* whoever that is with you now i hope he's the reason for your smile. hey youu  take a good care of her. :) 

thank you for everything ashley.

Let’s face it, we’ve changed. We’ve all changed. Somewhere between school ending and school starting. We’ve all gone in our own directions. Hearts were broken and friendships were fucked over. New loves started, and new people came into our lives. We no longer hang-out with our circle of friends that we thought that was going to be there for us “forever”. We no longer talk for hours about nothing at all. We’ve all changed. Some for the better and some for the worse.

Cycle of LIFE.

have you ever feel like your mind was floating and every things around you started to slows down and  you was numb like "wait, i think i've done this before, i think i've been here, i think this ever happened to me, whats happening.?''

everyone is actually doing the same thing over and over again. do you feel me ? its a cycle of life. everyone is the same, we all tasted it. all the sadness the happiness and the drama. god is actually being fair to us, HE treats his creature all the same.