I stopped talking to you so you would miss me, but in the end, I'm the one missing you more than ever.

another lie.

I say I'm completely fine with how we are - that I'm happy if you're happy. I've convinced myself to believe that lie, too. But there are times that I can see through that fog I brought down upon myself. You're everything I've always wanted in a girl...except for that fact that you're taken by someone who makes you far beyond happy - someone who isn't me.

I'll be the book you never read, the test you never took, the song you never sang, the kiss you never tasted and the best you never had.

Memories are the best thing in life to have they never change while everything and everybody around you does.

Have you ever bumped into your ex ?

the one you fell in love with ?  The one who made you the happiest & cried the hardest ? The one that made you feel like you were the most special thing on Earth ? Once you see that person, you either look down on the ground while your bodies pass one another, you look at them straight in the eye with a smile that may seem like you’re OK, or you go up to them and give them a hug you’d never let go.  It’s hard to see that person with someone else.  You start to think that they’re better off without you, while you feel like a fool who can’t move on.  Just a glimpse of that person, your mind is filled with memories you guys share.  From your first date, your first hug, your first kiss, to your last.  Nothing can erase the memories you had with each other.  You simply can’t let go of feelings & emotions towards someone like that.  It takes time.  But, even with time, there will still be a piece of you that loves that person.

I don’t like talking on the phone. If I talk to you on the phone, you probably mean a lot to me.

this shit hurts.

she doesn't even know how to spell my name correctly. i know this is gonna sound stupid but i was waiting for her text since last night. i slept with my phone on my side and woke up with no messages. she texted me in the evening and wish me for my birthday. last year she was the first one to wish me even tho we're not even together  i guess i'm fading away... ;/ ugh the fuck am i thinkin.... i gotta move on with my life.  babe i did tried to get you back. i keep tellin you how much i can't do all  this on my own and how much i needed you in life but all i get was nothing. nothing. i feel like a fool :( i sent you a letter tellin you why we should be together. i explained everything. asking for your apology 'cause i was young and fool back then. you replied with a lyrics from a song and tellin me that there's no more love for me. starting from that day i stopped all the text and letter. i know everything from me annoyed you. I pour my thoughts, my feeling and everything on my blogs 'cause i have nowhere else to turn to. i bet you'd be in tears if you saw it. 'cause its all about you, about us, about missing you. everything.. my heart still beats for you 'cause he know that someday we'll be together again. we don't know this. even i don't know this. but my heart keep tellin me something that worth waiting for. YOU. *finger crossed*

your happiness is all that will ever matter to me. i wish you could see how much irrevocably in love i am with you. you're my definition of perfection.

-jl-

few more hours before my birthday.

july 20 :)

i miss you

I look down at my phone & all I get from you is no texts, no missed call & no voicemail. I miss the days where you’d surprise me with both good morning and good night texts, you’d leave me voicemails saying good night babe, & even calls saying go to sleep.

I miss having our daily talks. It went from daily to nothing at all. Everything we had went down the drain & I’m here wondering when I’ll ever get a text, call, or even a voicemail from you. I want to have at least one text or call asking me how i’ve been & maybe I’ll feel just a bit better. But I’m sure I’m not important enough for you.

I'm still madly in love with you after all the shit you put me through and I don't know why.

I like deep conversations.

The ones where you can just sit down with one of your close friends and completely spill out your thoughts/feelings. Like how you’re doing, what may be currently bothering you, what’s stressing you out, etc. And the best part, getting feedback or advice from that person you’re talking to that might actually understand what you’re going through. It makes me feel less alone, and happier that I don’t have to keep bottling up all of my emotions

Do I miss you? Of course I do. I miss us. I miss everything that we had. I still think about it all the time. You're kind of a hard person to forget. I miss your hugs and your kisses. Your stupid remarks. Your idiocy. I miss how you were a part of my life. I miss our late night phone calls and your random messages. I always remember us staying on the phone 'till you got told off. I miss that. You were such a huge part of me and I will never forget you. I think I loved you, but we never got a chance to establish that..

I can't promise you a perfect relationship without arguments. However, I can promise you as long as you're trying, I'm staying.

I never forgot anything you said to me.

There’s that occasional night where you just break down and cry, ‘cause you know that no matter what, things will never be the same.

I will never tell anyone how close I am to committing suicide every day. The only way they'll ever find out is if I actually do it.

I may be paranoid for you when I get jealous. But it's not because I'm proving myself to you that I love you. It's just the fact that I really love you and I love you and I love you. And that's the perfect reason for jealousy act.

I'm afraid to hope because every time things start going well, they just get fucked up and I end up worse off than I was before. Why does life have to keep getting worse? Why can't I just be happy?

I want to get hurt. A car accident, anything. I want to get injured enough to wind up in a hospital, just to see if anyone would come to make sure I'm okay. And I'd pretend to be sleeping or dying so in case anyone actually did come, they would sit at the edge of my bed, crying, and tell me everything. I want to hear everything they've ever thought of me, how they really feel, if they're sorry for anything. I just want to know the truth. And I want to know who truly cares about me.

& everything turned into something we said we'd never be.

Today.

today was awesome :) no studies for the whole day because of the education fair & how i wish good things like this happen everyday hmm. alright, so i fill up almost every form from every universities & college, i walked through every each of the them and there's this education for anyone who wants to be a make up artist & one of the model was sitting still and she looks gorgeous and so familiar to me, i take a closer look by coming closer to her then one of my friend poked me all of a sudden and said "hey. look at her, isn't she familiar to you? she looks just like your ex girlfriend. isn't she? " and i was numb for a while and yeahh, she does look like her omg :/ i was like, is that her? it can't be 'cause she would already recognize me with that distance.*sigh* why is it so hard to forget someone and just move on?

you're everywhere.

When you get little, you want more. When you get more, you desire even more. But when you lose it, you realize little was enough.

& i miss you so much :/

I remember the first day I saw you, I remember the first text i sent to you, I remember the first day we spoke. I remember the first time we hugged, I remember when we sitting so close to each other and i could barely feel your heartbeat. I remember the first time we hold hands and my hands sweat a lot. I remember the night we spend together & taking the first picture of us. I remember the first picture of you in my wallet. I remember the first kiss on my cheek & my lips. I remember our very first movie "stardust" & we sneak some snacks into the cinema. I remember how you act whenever we go to the bookstore. I remember how you cried watching the last part of "marley and me". I remember saying I love you each time we hung up the phone. I remember you keep telling me your favorite part of a song. I remember when there was you and me, together against the world.

He Is We - Blame It On The Rain (Acoustic)

Can we start over?

Can we take it back to the day where we first met? Can we tell each other how we really feel with some eye contact and no hesitations? All I want to do is start all over. Not with anyone else or new but, with you. I’m not trying to forget you. Can we maybe take it slow and see where everything goes?